Updated: Jan 30, 2015 -- 11:19am
Don’t freak out, but Katy Perry is performing at Half Time of The Super Bowl! Oh, Katy Perry isn’t macho enough for you? Well you better sit down for this one... Lenny Kravitz is going to join her on stage too! Yes, American Woman, Lenny Kravitz! If nothing else the stage is going to be full of beautiful women in tight clothing. (Editors note: I’m banking on a furry in a jersey).
Just cool it. Here are 7 half time shows that would be worse:
7) Any Warped Tour Bands.. literally any of them.
This could be a huge money saver for the NFL. Considering most “emo” and “hardcore” bands look the same anyway you could probably just get some kids hanging out in a parking lot around the stadium, give them guitars and drums and not one could tell the difference. It would work. People would hate it but it would work.
6) Insane Clown Posse
With all of the scandals and controversies going on in the NFL this season at least they didn’t hire a band to offend, literally, everyone else. Plus, I hear the reason they didn’t book ICP is because Insane Clown Posse wanted the players to become Juggalos for a day. Oh and they are disgusting people.
They're from Canada. A Canadian football field is 25% bigger than an American football field. Do we really need 25% more Nickelback? No.
Thirty minutes barely lets them finish a song. Plus to most people it would sound like this:
3) The Exes of Taylor Swift (Non Musical)
If we let the musical exes we’d get performances from One Direction, John Mayer, and The Jonas Brothers that would be at least a little watchable. Going the nonmusical route you just have to watch actors talking sh** onstage. Actually, let’s do both.
2) Dane Cook Gets To Run Around The Field With A Microphone and Spotlight.
Remember Dane Cook? He was a comedian? He was edgy, then lost the edge, became brooding, and now is just laying low doing standup? Give him thirty minutes, a microphone, and a spotlight. #hilarious #someoneisgettingfiredforthis
This happened in the 80’s.
How is Katy Perry looking now? That’s what I thought.
- Mark Mileager
Updated: Jan 27, 2015 -- 10:58pm